Some Wedding Advice for Dealing with a Bride

If I could give you just one piece of advice for when you're dealing with a bride: edit what you say about the decisions that have already been made and paid for.

Don't tell her that the beautiful bridesmaids dresses she fell in love with and picked because she thought they would be truly lovely and not too bridesmaidsy are secretly hated by one of the bridesmaids who thinks she looks fat in it.

Don't tell her that the Maid of Honor thinks the shoe color she carefully picked out to match the flowers clashes with the dress.

Don't tell her that her colors are ugly and mismatched; don't say, well, maybe it'll look better when it's all put together and then try to retract your statement with, "Oh but it'll be beautiful anyway!" It's too late. You can't take it back. And, besides which, you didn't really take it back at all, just allowed that it might not be a disaster.

Don't second guess her hard won decisions when she's already given up what she wanted for the sake of the budget or the sake of her mother or the sake of her groom or whoever else in her mind (and there's a good possibility it's all in her mind) she thinks she's sacrificing for. If there isn't a logistical problem--if the only problem is that you don't particularly like the shade of red used, please keep your mouth shut.

And please, especially don't say any of these things to her two weeks before the wedding when she has other, more pressing, decisions and she's just found out that the best friend she hasn't seen in four years who she was so, so, so excited about seeing again has announced that she can't come. Your bride may be brave and understanding about her friend, but it's still not a good time.

Don't tell her that she's just pmsing when she now feels bad about the friend and the shoes and the dresses and the flowers as a direct result of everything you've said that I just asked you not to say.

There's a good chance that this bride you're dealing with is a little overwhelmed. And vulnerable. That she's suddenly feeling thrust into the role of grownup and is insecure about the validity of her choices. And trying so hard to please you and everyone else and just make this marriage thing happen that criticizing something as small as the color of shoe she wanted is a bit like stabbing her in the back.

So, in conclusion, please watch your mouth around your poor little bride. It's hard enough to not be a bridezilla without you provoking her by pointing out that the few decisions she was allowed to make for herself are hopelessly bad.

*The "you" for this post may in fact be my mother...